Infidelity Expert Stephany Alexander

Infidelity Expert Advice and Articles

Cheaters: Men Cheaters and the Women They Cheat With April 21, 2009



Men cheaters cheat with women they have access to.  Surprisingly, many male cheaters are not very picky with the women they cheat with, frequently cheating with women that are way below status than their current partner in looks and intelligence.  Sometimes men cheat simply because they have the opportunity. Cheating is typically done by three types of men: those with low self esteem, those who are unhappy at home and those who are afraid of commitment and are seeking ‘fun love’. According to the statistics on cheating spouses, 50 to 70% of married men (between 38 and 53 million men) have cheated or will cheat on their wives. One recent study found that two-thirds of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had no idea their husbands were having an affair – largely because they failed to recognize their cheating signs.

Married men, particularly those in long term relationships, cheat mainly because they believe that having a short-term affair will resolve any problems temporarily they have at home and prevent them from ‘hurting’ anyone long term. The actual fact that their partner is already being hurt by their lack of attention and affection – and being prevented from finding love too – does not comes into the picture. There are three problems to this approach. First, it stops the major conflicts in the relationship being explored, acknowledged, and addressed. Second, it makes the situation worse because any contact only proves starkly what is already missing at home, especially sexually. Thirdly, it deliberately ignores the fact that the man is taking his affections elsewhere which begs the question: How does giving one’s self to someone else show love and affection for the person left at home and, accord her due respect for her love and support?

Men who cheat on women by keeping relationships stray through a conflict of perception. What their women perceive men want from them may not be necessarily what those men actually desire, and women seldom seek to find out because they are afraid of the answers. So after the honeymoon period is over, when the cheating man’s desires have not been fulfilled, the straying man soon seeks fulfillment elsewhere. In the meantime, the women who are affected turn on the men and blame them for their ‘bad’ behavior instead of looking at themselves to see why they remained in such an adulterous situation. It is always easier to judge others because it stops us from looking at ourselves.  However, women who become knowingly involved with philandering men are no better than the philanderers themselves.

When we talk about famous cheating men, one of the first cheating celebrities that comes to mind is Hugh Grant, a Hollywood film star. While dating Elizabeth Hurley, he was arrested in Hollywood for indecent conduct in a public place with a prostitute named Divine Brown.  Shortly thereafter, Hugh gave a public apology on the Tonight Show with Jay Leo and instead of his infidelity affecting his public image negatively, it actually increased his popularity.  This was evident in his continued film rolls and when he began dating a socialite and Unicef ambassador Jemima Khan, ex-wife of Imran Khan.

According to an adultery poll of over 300 women conducted by, over 48% of women having affairs with committed men have asked them to leave their partner.  Unfortunately, statistics say that men rarely leave their wives for a mistress and even if they do, they are highly likely to cheat on their mistress repeating their adulterous patterns.

One very clear example of a man cheating would be if a man were to regularly take one particular coworker out to lunch or dinner meetings. In most of the cases, it would be safe to assume that she offers him more than just a discussion about work. She is also probably providing him with emotional companionship, giving him an opportunity to share his thoughts and feelings.

Men who are cheating emotionally often begin to question whether or not they should be seeing that one particular woman as much as they are now. They know deep down inside that she means more to them than just a regular female friend and thus feel a degree of guilt for seeing her.

According to the latest research, one in five married women has had a fling in the past, the highest numbers ever recorded. In fact, the numbers of cheating wives is now almost equal to that of cheating husbands.  This may be because today’s society has given women the permission to be sexually active.  However, usually men and women cheat for different reasons and it is clear that men seem to cheat more for sexual fulfillment and women cheat for emotional fulfillment.  Whether men’s and women’s reasons for cheating change in the future, remains to be seen.